Dear Person Who Stole My Bike:
I forgive you. Even though it was a huge hassle because I was on my way out the door to take a HUGE law final. Yeah, I did still make it to the test on time, but only because I called my wife at work and had her drive home, pick me up, and then drive me to school. Like I said, I forgive you. I will still break your knees if I find you, though. And then I will take my bike back. And then I will call an ambulance for you, because I forgive you.
I hope you have been enjoying my bike. Sorry I didn't get a chance to tell you that the gears are all screwed up. Maybe it will trip you up and you will fall and break some bones. That won't stop me from breaking your knees, though. And it would slow you down a bit and make it easier for me to track you down.
Anyway, take care, and be grateful that I decided to forgive you. Forgiving you has also helped me not be mad at you any more. I hope you have good health insurance.
Your forgiving friend,
Ben
5 comments:
thanks for the laughs-- but I'm sorry your bike got stolen.
Dear lousy bike owner:
I stole your bike this morning. I took it for a joyride down the hill and when I tried to change gears, the chain got all caught up and I flew over the handlebars, breaking both of my knees. You can expect a call from my lawyer.
Is assault with the intent to break knees a felony? But more important...how was your final? I'm sure you aced it since you forgave the thief.
Dear Ben-
I stole your bike and rode it all the way back to Utah. I feel so bad now, though, that I'll leave it out on my lawn and you can fly out and pick it up.
Really, I'm sorry I stole your bike.
Brandon
Sorry about your bike. I have to admit that your post was pretty entertaining though. Congrats about the baby!
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